At the End of the Day
by HannahScho
Summary: Set after the last series 14 episode, "The Prodigal". Nikki realizes she's in love with Harry but will Harry own up to his feelings for Nikki?
1. Chapter 1

This has been playing around in my mind and I thought I'd jot it down. Not sure where I'm going with this and maybe I'll just leave it at this for now, but anyway, here is chapter 1 for now.

Set post "The Prodigal", the last episode of series 14.

* * *

"Shall we go for a stroll in the park?" Nikki asked as Harry switched off the engine of his car. They had just spent a lovely afternoon with Leo at a pub, celebrating his MBE. They had gone around to Leo's house afterwards so they could celebrate a bit with Janet as well who was only just recovering from a nasty pneumonia and hadn't been able to be present. Harry had seen to coffee, Nikki to cake, while Leo had settled Janet on the couch in blankets and they had chatted and laughed until Janet was really too tired and Harry and Nikki left. It was such a happy, warm, lovely day and although it was late in the afternoon Nikki wasn't ready for it to end. It wasn't often she and Leo and Harry could be so carefree and she relished it. Harry especially, seemed more comfortable and happy than he had been in weeks. It almost felt like having Harry back from pre-Hungary days and Nikki wasn't ready to let him go just yet.

Harry took the keys out of the ignition. "Haven't had enough socializing for one day then?" he winked at her. Nikki just beamed at him.

"It's just such a lovely, happy day and I'm not ready to have it end yet."

"Alright, little miss sunshine, let's go then," Harry smiled and they both got out and walked into the park near Nikki's flat.

Of course wearing heels wasn't ideal when walking across a pebbled path and when Nikki almost tripped, Harry gallantly offered his arm.

"You sure you don't want to change into other shoes first?" he asked. "We're just around the corner from your flat."

Nikki just shook her head, took his arm and they strolled off.

"I thought you could do anything on heels!" Harry said, steadying Nikki as she almost twisted her ankle on a pebble.

"I am discovering my limitations here, I must say," Nikki smiled. She then bent down and took off her heels, took them in her hand and, all the while not letting go of Harry, continued the walk.

Harry laughed, "That'll hardly be more comfortable."

"You can always be the perfect gentleman and carry me."

"Or you can always be the practical 21st century woman you are and just get some sensible shoes from your flat. That is, assuming you have any sensible shoes…"

Nikki just stuck out her tongue at Harry, pulled him to the side of the path so that she was walking on the grass while he stuck to the path.

"Ah, pragmatic as ever," Harry grinned.

"Soooo, Dr. Cunningham, when will you be doing something to warrant an MBE?" Nikki asked dryly, changing the subject.

"Is it important to you I have an MBE?" he asked

"Why, of course. Status is everything," she quipped.

"Well, I guess I will never be worthy of you, then, Dr. Alexander," he smiled.

Nikki stole a quick glance at him. He was so worthy of her, like no one else could be! She had finally realized that fully in Budapest but he wasn't ready, he was still preoccupied with Budapest and what had happened with Anna. Maybe this little comment hinted at him thinking more of her? She remembered the glance they had exchanged in the lab a few days back, when she had spoken of him being irreplaceable. He had understood the meaning of her look; she could tell by the way he had reacted. Wonder in the look he had given her and then the awkward smile as he looked away. He knew how she felt about him and it wasn't news to him. His reaction just clearly indicated he wasn't ready to face what there might be between him and herself. And now he was speaking of being worthy, could she take it as anything more than a throw-away comment?

"You've grown awfully quiet," Harry interrupted her thoughts. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Nikki smiled, evasively, "Oh, nothing special" and looked at Harry who in turn was looking at something beyond her.

"Tell you what, I buy you ice cream and you tell me what's up."

"Ice cream?"

"Yes, there's a guy selling ice cream there. Come on, let's go before he moves on," Harry said, dropping her arm and grabbing her hand instead, pulling her along to the ice cream stand. Nikki loved feeling his hand clasp around hers and deliberately slowed the pace just so she could enjoy the sensation a little longer before coming to the ice cream stand. Harry bought her ice cream and they found a park bench to sit on and enjoy it. When they had settled Harry said, "So, tell the doctor what's up?"

Nikki giggled. "Nothing's up, doctor. Besides I'm good at self diagnosis"

"Ah, but there's nothing like a second opinion. Come on!"

Nikki just sighed and then asked, "How seriously did you consider James's offer?"

Harry looked at her and gave her a little smile. "It got me thinking but I never considered it seriously. It made me realize that earning a lot of money isn't everything and that I am happy where I am right now..." Nikki's heart skipped a beat as he looked at her intently for a moment before continuing, "…you know, with Leo and with you at the Lyell Centre. We're family in a way, we work together so excellently as a team, it would be years before I could build something like this up elsewhere."

"Mmmm, I'm glad you're staying," Nikki managed to say softly and looked ahead again, finishing her ice cream.

Harry picked up her free hand and squeezed it and so they sat, hand in hand, in silence for a long time even after the ice cream was gone.

Nikki then turned to study Harry for a moment before breaking the silence and asking, "How are you holding up, Harry? Really?"

Harry gave her a broad smile. "I'm fine, Nikki. Don't worry. Back to work again and cracking cases, I may indeed be on track for an MBE after all!"

"Stop joking, Harry. How are you really? Still having nightmares?"

"Oh, what's a night without a nightmare? I'm fine, really," he said, squeezing her hand once more before letting go and getting up.

"Now, Dr. Alexander," he continued, "I need to get you home as I'm meeting my mum for dinner in town."

"Harry, stop avoiding my questions."

"Am I being ticked off now? I'm not avoiding, just not willing to discuss in detail."

Nikki got up, exasperated, "You can't bottle everything up all the time, Harry, or you'll explode."

"I'm fine," he insisted impatiently, yet still offering her his arm.

She took it and they marched off in an uneasy silence.

"I'm here if you need to talk." Nikki said presently.

"I know that but we've said all we needed to say about Budapest and I hardly think you care to discuss in detail all that happened with Anna, so the less said on that subject the better."

"You can talk to me about Anna if you like…"

"Nikki…" he said tiredly

"Really!" she insisted as she stopped at the park entrance and bent down to slip on her heels again. She then stood up and turned to face him so abruptly that she almost knocked his chin with her head as he stood hovering near her. She was very aware of the fact that her face was close to his now and she could have easily planted a kiss on his lips then and there. She quickly regained herself and stopped staring at his lips, then met his eyes who were studying hers.

"Nikki…" he said again softly.

"How can we ever build anything real if you won't confide in me?" she asked urgently, still so very close to him.

"We have something real here, Nikki. A friendship. Isn't that worth something?" he asked seriously.

"Yes, it is worth everything. But maybe… maybe…maybe…" Nikki started, not finding the words to say what was in her heart.

Harry placed a hand on her lips. "Don't say it, Nikki," he whispered.

Tears sprung to her eyes. "Harry, I thought I had lost you forever only a few weeks ago!"

At that he gently brushed away a strand of her hair and touched her cheek. Nikki, a little distracted, continued, "And… and I know you are grieving over Anna and over a baby you could have had with her, but I can't stay silent forever…"

Harry's hand left her cheek which suddenly felt cold and stepped back. "It's not Anna. Or the baby," he said simply.

Nikki looked at him questioningly, willing him to continue, and he did.

"I hardly knew Anna, really. And she shouldn't have gotten pregnant; she assured me she was using protection. Anna… well, I've given my time with her a place and that's that."

"Then, what is it, Harry?" Nikki asked, "Why… why… can't we…"

"Because we can't," he said matter-of-factly. His voice turned cool and businesslike, "We've become too close, you and I…"

"What better basis…?" Nikki started but was interrupted.

"I can't, Nikki. I can't let you in that close."

"Why not? Isn't that what partners…?" but again she couldn't finish.

"No, Nikki. You don't want to mess with the dark bottomless pit that is Harry Cunningham. I'd destroy you in the end and I can't… I can't do that to you."

"So, now what? You go off with a 25 year old bimbo and have babies without showing her your real self? You want out of bachelorhood and you think that being with someone on a superficial level is the way? It isn't, Harry. If you want to have any hope of happiness with someone you have to be able to share your innermost self."

"I can't do that."

"Yes, you can! You have shown me so much of yourself and you are beautiful human being!" Nikki insisted.

"Nikki Alexander… always so optimistic," he sighed, then continued, "You terrify me! Don't you see that?"

"I… what…?"

"You terrify me with your kindness and feelings for others and your beliefs. I can't give you anything worthwhile in return…"

"Harry…"

"I'm going now." He pulled her into an embrace and whispered in her ear, "I want to be your best friend forever but you can not ask anything more of me…" He then stepped back, looked at her shocked face and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before dashing back to his car.

Nikki just stood there, stunned and numb for a long while after he had left.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I guess I do have an idea how to continue. Chapter 2 is shorter but there will be a chapter 3 in time.

* * *

Nikki was doing the best she could, typing up the report of the PM she had just performed that morning but her thoughts kept wandering. It was Friday afternoon after all; it had been a long week. Nikki had spent Sunday in a haze after the walk with Harry through the park the day before. When she had come in to work on Monday morning, Harry had already been there, greeting her cheerfully and asking her whether she wanted to join him in doing the PM's on two victims of a car accident. Of course she would. He had stood up, given her a grin and a smack on her back and said, "Well, come on, Dr. Alexander, stop dawdling, we have work to do!" and the tone had been set for the week. Harry was all efficiency at work and ease and banter, almost as if they'd gone back in time and recent dramatic events had never happened. Nikki joined in and relaxed somewhat but not without feeling some unease at the ease with which Harry seemed to be his old self again. After the Monday they hadn't seen too much of each other as they had both been busy with all sorts of different cases but when they did see each other it was all work and cheer. And now it was Friday afternoon, Harry was expected back from a suspicious death in a nursing home at any moment now and she was trying to write out this damned report on Mrs. Wilkinson's death, a suicide from an overdose of sleeping tablets.

She looked over at Harry's desk and remembered that when she had just come back from Mrs. Wilkinson's PM at the end of the morning Harry had been sitting at his desk, staring at the back of her computer screen, lost in thought as well, just like she was now. He hadn't seen her at first, he seemed miles away and she had studied him for a moment, sitting there all lost in thought like that. He noticed her presence quickly enough, however, ignored her questioning look and had quickly flashed her a smile, asking her how her PM had gone, all seriousness and pensiveness gone. He had left soon after for the nursing home.

"Everything alright, Nikki?"

Nikki jumped at Leo who was standing at her desk, asking her this question. She quickly looked up at him, smiled and answered, "Yes. But this report is just refusing to let itself be written!"

"It never will be written with you staring into space, you know" Leo said, pulling up a chair.

Nikki sighed.

"Come on, tell me what's going on," he said gently.

"What do you mean?" Nikki asked.

"Well, Harry has been overly cheerful and efficient this week, except when you're out and about and he then just sits and stares into space. Your spirits have seemed dampened all week and now I catch you staring into space. What's going on?"

Nikki knew it was pointless to deny any of this, Leo was too perceptive and he wouldn't let go until he had some sort of answer.

Nikki sighed again, "Harry and I… we had… well, sort of an argument I think. Last Saturday, after we left you and Janet. To him it is resolved and to me it isn't." Nikki looked at Leo apologetically, not ready to give any more details.

Leo nodded. "It doesn't look like it seems be resolved for Harry either. Talk to him, Nikki, maybe you can both make things right again?"

Nikki gave a bitter little laugh, "Believe me, Leo, it's not up to me," and she looked down to her keyboard, just so she wouldn't have to see the concern in Leo's face, just so she could give herself a moment to swallow the lump in her throat. Leo covered her hand with his.

"Is this about what you said to me in that hotel room in Budapest?"

Nikki didn't answer.

"He'll come to his senses in time, Nikki."

Nikki looked up and gave him a wry smile. "You said yourself in Budapest that it is always later than you think." Leo shook his head slowly and Nikki quickly continued, "Really, it's alright, Leo. Why complicate things when we already are a good team and good friends? Harry is right, we can go on as were, no need to change anything…"

Leo wanted to respond but at that moment his cell phone rang and Leo had to take it.

"Are you sure? … It would be a good way to unwind… Oh… right… Well, see you on Monday then…"

Leo turned to look at Nikki apologetically, "Harry's not coming back here and is skipping Friday drinks. He says an old friend called him that he hasn't seen in a long time and he's going out with her."

Nikki gave a nod and a little smile, "I hope he has a good time," and forced her attention back to the report. She felt Leo's eyes on her for a few moments but ignored them and tried to be the picture of efficiency.

"You're coming home with me," Leo then stated. "I'm calling Janet to tell her we'll both be there for dinner."

Nikki looked up to protest, "Janet will have been working all day too and she's only just better, she won't want me there when she's trying to unwind!"

"Nonsense. You're like family, welcome any time and you know it. You're having dinner with us," Leo stated and walked off, already dialing Janet's number on his cell phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Nikki took in the accident scene at 7 a.m. on Sunday morning and realized this wasn't one she could do alone. Leo and Janet were away for the weekend, she'd have to call Harry for back up. She hesitated for a moment, not sure she wanted to disturb Harry on the weekend. Ever since their walk in the park a few weeks back Nikki felt awkward about calling him. When they saw each other at work it was fine, they'd even been out to lunch together once or twice and that went well too but actually calling him up was a different matter. She had resigned herself to the idea that friendship with Harry was all there ever would be between them and that now everything was like it had always been between them. That was a good thing, right? After all, she wouldn't want to lose her best friend! Still, in the recesses of her mind awkwardness remained. She had not long ago dared hint at more to Harry and he had brushed her aside. While she preferred to not dwell on that, a churn in her stomach manifested itself once in a while and it was that which made her hesitate to make that call.

"Nikki, get a grip!" she told herself as she again surveyed the accident scene and then she dialled Harry's number.

"Hi Nikki," she heard a sleepy Harry say, "I suspect you really must be in dire need of some Cunningham wisdom for you to be calling so early… Who died?"

Nikki chuckled, "Sorry to disturb you, oh you wise man, but there's been an accident and I need you here to help me. 3 cars involved, 5 casualties, 3 wounded are just being sent to hospital…"

"Right," he said, "Tell me where…" but he couldn't finish his sentence as it sounded like he drew in a heavy breath as if he was being punched and then Nikki heard loud giggles in the background. A woman's giggles, and a hiss in response from Harry saying, "Shhh."

The woman didn't seem to take any heed and said into the phone, "You're his colleague from work, aren't you? He's always on about you. Got a new case?"

"Kate!" she heard Harry exclaim, then all sorts of noises and then a hollow sound, as if Harry was in a hallway or bathroom.

"I'm sorry about that…"

"Got company?" Nikki asked sweetly, but not wanting to hear the answer, she quickly continued, "Look, I don't want to disturb your Sunday morning romp, but as I said there's been a terrible accident here and it's more than I can handle on my own. Could you please come down and lend a hand? I'd call Leo, but he's in Wales for the weekend with Janet…"

"It's no problem, Nikki. I'll be there. Erm, where do I have to be?"

Nikki told him where and quickly rang off before he could say anymore. Her heart was beating wildly. A woman with Harry very early on Sunday morning, meaning she must have spent the night. She sounded very at home. A woman named Kate. He'd never mentioned her before. Was this something serious? "I wish I'd never called him!" Nikki thought desperately. She had the urge to flee the scene before Harry arrived but no, she was a professional. Above all she was a professional and Harry was just a colleague and just a friend, she could do this. She shook her head, shoulders and arms, as if to shake off any unpleasant thoughts, and set to work.

Harry was quick; he arrived at the scene within 30 minutes. She saw him coming from the corner of her eye. She was glad she had seen him, it gave her a moment to steel herself and say "Good morning, Harry!" in her most cheerful tone.

"Good morning, Nikki. I've come to impart my wisdom and skill. Update?"

Nikki smiled at his easy manner and sketched the situation for him, setting him to work on the bodies furthest away from her. There were 5 casualties to look at, with evidence to secure, so no time for small talk.

When they were finally done they agreed they'd start the PM's the next day. They got out of their suits and packed up their gear. Nikki wanted to make a quick exit with a "Have a good Sunday, Harry, and see you tomorrow!" but as she walked by him, he grabbed her arm so that she had to turn back to face him.

"How about some breakfast?" he asked, studying her features

"No, thanks," she smiled, writhing out of his grip. "I'll just head home now; I have stuff in my fridge."

"Oh, come on! Where's the fun in that?"

"Look, Harry, I heard your lady friend, I'm sure she's waiting for you to have breakfast with her. Just go…" Nikki said, avoiding his glance,

"Ah…right, Kate. She is… well, an old friend and we hooked up again a few weeks ago. It's not…"

"Look, Harry, you don't owe me an explanation! You can do as you please," Nikki said, forcing herself to look at him like she didn't care and smile. "Have fun!"

"I probably should have told you earlier…" Harry started.

"Well, yes, that would have been nice," Nikki said, "But I guess we're not the kind of friends we used to be."

"Of course we are," he answered assuredly.

Nikki breathed deeply, "Listen, I can't do this on an empty stomach after having looked at dead bodies…"

"This is exactly why I suggested breakfast!" Harry said, "Oh, come on, Nikki! I already told Kate to go home as I had no idea how long I'd be. Please have breakfast with me? You look like you could use some food and I know I could!"

"I don't…" Nikki started, but Harry just grabbed her hand and marched her off and she allowed it.

* * *

Over croissants and coffee they chatted about the case and wondered how Leo and Janet were enjoying their weekend away. Nikki did everything to keep the conversation going and keep it away from Harry's latest conquest. She would be fine as long as they steered clear of the topic of Kate. But then, just as Harry had paid the bill, a silence fell and Harry said, "Nikki, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Kate."

Nikki gave him a strained smile, "That's alright, Harry."

"She and I had a bit of a… fling… some 10 years ago and she somehow found me again and contacted me a few weeks ago… and well, one thing led to another…"

"Harry, I don't need to know." Nikki said, getting up. As they left the restaurant she did add, "I just wonder at why you couldn't tell us, Leo and me."

"You know why I couldn't," Harry said softly, walking close beside her.

Nikki said nothing for a moment, then answered, "I still wish you had."

"I'm sorry."

"Listen, if we really are the friends you say we are, you'd have mentioned it," Nikki said, "But yes, you wanted more of a distance between us and you're probably right, I see that, I see why you didn't want to tell me or Leo."

At that moment Harry's cell rang. Apparently Kate.

"Oh yes… I forgot… alright, I'll meet you there…" Nikki heard Harry mutter quickly before ringing off and turning his attention back to Nikki.

"You and I, we still are friends, you know... good friends..." he began, searching her face.

"Yes, of course," she smiled gently, returning his gaze for a moment before breaking it and saying, "You've got to go. Don't keep her waiting."

"Nikki, I don't want this to come between us…"

Now she got impatient and she couldn't hold all she felt in any longer.

"Oh Harry, for goodness sake, I already told you it's alright! Just go and don't keep her waiting! You don't owe me any explanations." She really should have stopped talking there, but she couldn't and went on, "Just go on out, have your relationship where you don't have to share your true self, marry her, have babies with her and be happy. You owe me nothing." By this time Nikki was glaring at him. Harry looked a bit taken aback, then shook his head and exclaimed, "You have no idea about Kate…"

"No, but I do know you, Harry, and you are apparently starting to live your superficial little dream. Fine by me, it's your life."

Eyes blazing Harry took a step closer to Nikki and dangerously, quietly said, "You know what? It's... easy... with Kate. We have fun... no questions asked...no prying… no sticking her nose into other people's lives and being _helpful_… Quite a nice change actually!"

"Well, I'm glad you're so happy, then!" Nikki spat back, still glaring at him, their noses almost touching.

Nikki couldn't help herself, she felt a pull towards Harry and she could swear he was leaning in more as well as they each studied the other's lips. If some biker hadn't passed at that moment, ringing his bell fiercely at them, yelling "Woohoo!" Nikki would've succumbed, thrown all caution into the wind and would have kissed him. The bell got her back to her senses and Harry too seemed to awaken. He took a step back and with a shake of his head he said, "Right, I'm going. Hot date with Kate. See you tomorrow."

Nikki pressed her lips together for a forced smile and a nod as he turned away and she quickly turned away too, walking into the other direction.

It was time again, she decided. Time to find an unsuitable fling to stop her thinking of Harry.


	4. Chapter 4

Nikki decided now was the time to turn the page and start a fresh chapter. Monday morning and here she was at work, putting on her professional and friendly face and the whole exchange with Harry of the day before forgotten. She vowed she'd be the friend again to Harry that she had always been. She'd let Harry speak of his girlfriends freely without having to bear any ill comments from her, she'd joke with him again, be professional and just move on. That shouldn't be so hard! When she got home after Sunday's heated exchange, pushing away all thought of how close she had been to him just before they parted, she'd immediately called Debbie and had taken her up on the offer to set Nikki up for a blind date. Debbie had been pestering her for a while about this hot shot lawyer who was friends with her husband. She just _knew_ he'd be perfect for Nikki and Nikki decided now would be the right time to find out….

Nikki was already at her desk when Harry waltzed in to work. He too seemed cheerful, quite unlike his usual Monday morning self. Then again, cheerful-Monday-morning-Harry was something typical of the last few weeks and Nikki knew Harry well enough to see that this was an act for her own benefit. Never mind, she thought, forced cheerfulness will turn into real cheerfulness soon enough.

"Good morning! Coffee?" Nikki offered as he sat down at his desk opposite hers.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her as she stood up to get it.

"What's the cause of this servitude?" he asked and then after a little pause he added suspiciously, "What is it you want, exactly?"

"You, of course," she said breezily as she set down his mug with coffee on his desk, looking him straight in the eye. She quickly added a muttered "Don't we all?" while not being able to tear away her gaze from Harry's. Harry looked lost for words for once. It took her a few seconds to get back to her senses.

"Look, Harry, I hate how things have been lately between us," Nikki said, suddenly hastily breaking eye contact and returning to her desk, "Strained somehow and I can't work that way. Let's just get back to being colleagues and good friends again. You make inappropriate remarks, I try to find them amusing, you tell me about your… Kate… I tell you about my hot date for the weekend and we're all even. What do you say?"

Harry slowly smiled, "Alright. I like that."

"Good," Nikki smiled back and they both immersed themselves into their e-mails. She didn't know about Harry but she certainly could use the moment to compose herself. Her admission that she wanted him had just shot out of her mouth before she could even think. She thought she'd covered her tracks after that comment well enough. Still, her wildly beating heart needed to calm down.

10 minutes later Harry got up, grabbed her ponytail and said, "Come on, Dr. Alexander, we have 5 PM's to perform this morning!"

Nikki gave a little chuckle and got up, joining him on the walk to the locker room.

"So… hot date, eh? Who with?" Harry asked.

"His name's Daniel. Haven't met him yet but my friend Debbie set us up for dinner this Friday."

"Friday! What about Friday evening drinks with Leo and me!"

"Hey, I don't complain when you miss it and go out with Kate!"

"That was just the once."

"So, this is my once!" Nikki insisted.

"I'm sure he's work obsessed, attached to his Blackberry, and 20 years too old for you…" Harry said with a mock grim look on his face.

"I hear he's a human rights lawyer, tall, blonde, very handsome and very successful…" Nikki countered sweetly.

"Seriously, a lawyer, Nikki?" Harry asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I'm sure his best friend is saying 'seriously, a pathologist?' to him so I'll just give him the benefit of the doubt, shall I?" Nikki smiled.

Harry just shook his head. "Oh well, maybe this one's a little less unsuitable than the paramedics and members of the police force you normally date."

Nikki grinned at Harry. "Maybe he's the one!" she said. Harry's face looked stoic, so she changed the subject, "So, what does your Kate do?"

"She's an interior decorator."

"Good, have her do something with your flat, then!" Nikki joked, just ducking away from a shoulder slap in response.

"Oh, believe me, we have been doing some… remodeling around the flat already!" he winked at her.

"I don't think I need to hear the details on that…" Nikki responded and Harry just laughed as they each headed off to get dressed into their scrubs.

* * *

Friday afternoon when they finished work, Nikki went to the locker room to change into the new dress she'd bought: black, knee length, with a floral print, fitting snugly around her, accentuating what needed accentuating just perfectly, her extra high heeled black shoes to match.

"You are looking lovely!" Leo commented as she came back to the office to collect her coat and bag and when Harry walked in at that moment he gave a whistle and added, "Be still my beating heart! Is this for your lawyer friend?"

"I look alright then?" Nikki asked, smiling at him.

Harry gave her a long smile back. "You do," he said softly. Then breaking the spell and turning to Leo said, "In fact, Leo, as the father figure here I think you should warn her of the dangers of men and what they do to women looking like that."

Leo just laughed, "Oh, she's grown up and has come this far without being pestered too much, she'll be fine. Nikki, have a lovely evening. Come on, Harry! I'll buy the first round."

"Oh, so generous!" Harry quipped, grabbing his coat and bag to join Leo. At the door he turned to look at Nikki once more and gave her an approving smile before heading after Leo saying, "As head of department I'm sure you could afford a few extra rounds easily… or give me a pay rise, either will do…" and Nikki couldn't hear the rest.

Nikki slowly gathered her things and glowed at the thought of how Harry had looked at her so approvingly just now. It was always nice getting your best friend's approval, she quickly rationalized, while buttoning up her coat and slowly heading out to her car. She would be meeting her date at the restaurant.

Daniel Pearce turned out to be every bit as wonderful as Debbie had said he would be. When Nikki arrived at the restaurant he was there already. Debbie had given Daniel a picture of Nikki to recognize her by. In front of the restaurant he spoke to her, introduced himself and led her in. He was quite tall, his hair was more light brown than fair, even featured with the hint of a beard forming giving him a bit of a rugged look. He had a deep and soothing voice and his blue eyes twinkled and made her feel at ease instantly. She soon learned that he had just turned 40, lived alone apart from sharing a stray cat with his neighbour and was indeed a human rights lawyer. Nikki found that she could talk to him easily. She spoke of her work; he spoke of his latest case trying to keep an Afghan journalist from being deported back to Afghanistan. They went out for drinks after dinner and before she knew it, it was close to midnight. He saw her to her car and they arranged to meet each other in Hampstead (where he lived) for a high tea and a stroll through the heath on Sunday. This was a man she could learn to really like.


	5. Chapter 5

On Monday morning when Nikki came in to the office, Harry was sitting there already, following her every move.

"What is it, Harry?" she asked

"And a good morning to you, Dr. Alexander."

"Morning. Now, what is it?" she asked again.

"Always so suspicious… I was just admiring your Monday morning demeanor."

"Harry…"

"Oh, alright. I was just very curious about how your hot date was on Friday? Was it worth missing drinks with Leo and me over?"

Nikki smiled, "Oh, it was more than hot, it was tropical!"

Harry cocked his head to one side and raised his eyebrows. "Tropical, eh? Well, well, a storm a-brewing. So, you'll see him again?"

"Already did. Yesterday."

"A second date? Wow, he really must be something!"

"He is," Nikki admitted, smiling at the memory of the lovely Sunday afternoon she had spent with Daniel. She could feel Harry's eyes on her, studying her. When Leo walked in, Harry said, "Good morning, Leo. I think Nikki is in love!"

"Of course she is!" he said, his face lighting up hopefully, glancing at Nikki who was smiling in herself and then back at Harry who was frowning. He then realized that Harry wasn't talking about Nikki loving Harry.

"What do you mean, of course she is? Have you already met her hot shot lawyer?" Harry asked with a quick glance at Leo and then went back to studying Nikki. Nikki glanced at Leo as well, a little surprised at his comment.

"Oh… erm… no…" he stumbled but Harry had already moved on and now Nikki was meeting his glance almost defiantly.

"Sooo, tell us more, what's his name, what did you do, what makes him so likeable…" Harry started but Nikki interrupted him while Leo made a quick escape to his office, shaking his head as he did so.

"Really, Harry, now's not the time. It's only been 2 dates and yes, he really is nice but we need to get work done!" Nikki said evasively.

"Spoil sport!" Harry said, sill frowning. Nikki got up, laughed and walked off; she had a PM to perform.

* * *

Daniel really was a wonderful man and Nikki was able to lose herself in her friendship with him whenever she saw him. A tender first kiss was shared during a late night stroll after a night out. It wasn't long after that he spent his first night at her place. They talked a lot, shared nice days out together, they were physically compatible, and Nikki truly enjoyed his company. "But he isn't Harry," she caught herself thinking more than once, quickly admonishing herself afterwards. Why couldn't she just let herself go and fall head over heels in love with Daniel? She could only hope that liking him so much would maybe one day turn into something more? It just had to happen! And she would do everything in her power to make it happen. During Friday night drinks Leo, Harry and Nikki would all three speak of their significant others and every time Kate was mentioned it was all Nikki could do to stay positive and encouraging. Harry spoke highly of her; it really did look like he was taking this relationship he was in seriously now. So, this meant that Daniel just had to be the one for her now! And really, she was lucky; a man like Daniel was rare. If only… if only he could make her laugh like Harry did…

"So, have you two couples mingled or double dated yet? And when do I get to meet your other halves?" Leo asked one Friday evening.

"Er… no, never met Kate," Nikki started.

"Never met Daniel!" Harry said.

"So, how about dinner for all of us at our house next week Friday, then?" Leo asked.

Harry shifted uneasily in his seat, Nikki looked down at the drink in her hand. She didn't want to meet Kate, she didn't want Kate to be real. So far, Kate was an abstraction, a name talked about. If she never met her she could stay an abstraction and that suited Nikki just fine. No, she wasn't keen on this dinner idea.

"Why the reluctance?" Leo asked when no response was given.

Harry's features quickly transformed into a grin, "No reluctance. I was just thinking about next week Friday and if Kate could make it. I'm sure she can. I for one am curious to meet this Daniel fellow."

Nikki gave a faint smile. "Alright, I'll see if Daniel can make it."

Oh how she dreaded Friday…

* * *

Janet welcomed Nikki and Daniel when they arrived at 7 p.m., nicely in time for dinner. Harry and Kate had arrived just before, still very much in the welcome and introduction phase, talking to Leo.

"Oh God, she's beautiful!" Nikki thought when she smiled and shook Kate Ashton's hand. Tall, with shoulder length loosely curled brown hair, kind eyes and curves in all the right places. Nikki stole a look at Harry and found him studying Daniel just as she was studying Kate.

"You aren't at all as I had imagined," Kate smiled at Nikki.

"Oh?"

"You look, I don't know, younger maybe?"

Nikki grinned, "I guess Harry makes 'old friend' sound too literal then, does he?"

Kate laughed. "I think you're right!"

The evening progressed in relative ease, Leo and Janet being the perfect hosts and filling up any lulls in the conversation. Especially Kate was very flirty with Harry, constantly touching his hand at dinner, giggling into his ear as they walked into the living room after dinner when Harry had placed his hand on her back. Giggling a lot, as a matter of fact, but Harry seemed to enjoy it. To Nikki it looked like she was laying a very public claim to Harry, which seemed ridiculous as everyone knew they were together anyhow. Daniel was more discreet in showing affection but when she came to stand beside him as he was studying Leo's bookcase, he put his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close to him and she let him. When after a few moments she turned to leave his side so she could assist Janet she bumped into Harry who had made his way towards them, closely followed by Kate. His frown quickly dissipated as he looked down on her, a smile now forming on his lips,

"Look where you're going Dr. Alexander. Hoping to keep the casualties to a minimum here this evening."

He was awfully close, Nikki felt the urge to snuggle up to him but instead sweetly smiled, "Well, if you didn't sneak up on people like that, the chances of a casualty-free evening would be much higher."

He remained close, didn't budge. They studied each other for a fraction longer than maybe necessary. Then Nikki, suddenly uncomfortable, looked to Kate who was right beside him and not looking so very amused.

"Excuse me, I need to help Janet," she quickly said and made her escape to the kitchen.

"Are you alright?" Janet asked when she walked in, looking a little flustered, "You look a little, well, freaked."

"I'm fine, can I help with something?"

Janet eyed her suspiciously for a moment and then said, "Well, yes, these snacks need to be laid out on that dish." Nikki, grateful for the task, set to work.

"Your Daniel is very nice. Very handsome too."

"Yes, he is," Nikki smiled.

"And he obviously thinks the world of you."

"Oh, I don't know. We've only been together for a few weeks. It's too early to say."

"He thinks the world of you," Janet stated again.

Nikki smiled. Then after a few moments, Nikki asked as cheerfully as she could, "So, what do you think of Harry and Kate then?"

Janet paused for a moment before answering, "She adores him and he looks genuinely smitten with her…"

"Yes, he does," Nikki muttered.

"But there is something… lacking."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Since Hungary something in him seems to have… died, for want of a better word. And for some reason, even Kate can't bring that sparkle back."

"Hungary was difficult. For all of us."

"Yes, I know. It has affected Leo too."

Nikki nodded in agreement.

"I think Leo hoped after Hungary, for you and Harry… I hoped too," Janet said, studying Nikki.

"It's never been like that with Harry and me, Janet. It never will be," Nikki said as matter-of-factly as she could and smiled.

Janet smiled back and nodded, "Well, I guess there are worse people than Daniel to turn to. Come on, let's bring this in…"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I'll be gone for about a week, so there'll be no updates from me for a little while... sorry...

Thank you for all the kind reviews! I never ask for them but when they come they are very much appreciated!

* * *

"Nikki?"

"Hmm," Nikki replied, lying in Daniel's arms that night.

"You and Dr. Cunningham, you are close?" Daniel asked.

Nikki became still and said almost defensively, "Quite close, yes. Why?"

"I don't really know. The way he looked at you this evening…"

"What do you mean, the way he looked at me? How did he look at me?" Nikki said a little too quickly.

"He just… looked at you a lot. Lingering looks. And I don't think he liked me very much."

"Nonsense, why wouldn't he like you?"

"Because he's jealous."

Nikki sat up and looked at Daniel incredulously. "Harry, jealous? Of what?" she laughed.

"Of me… being with you!" Daniel said seriously.

Nikki laughed again, "Don't be silly, Daniel! Harry has Kate!

"Yes… yes, he does and he does seem fond of her but… well, the way he looks at you, the way you two talk together standing so close together almost as if you're touching even when you're not. You both seem so… in tune." Daniel studied her and Nikki nodded.

"That's because Harry and I have worked together daily and have been good friends for 6 years. A kind of… shorthand… grows from that."

"And you and he never…?"

"No, never!" Nikki said decidedly.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Why not?" Nikki exclaimed, "Because… because it would never work, that's why not."

"Would you have wanted it to work?"

"Oh, Daniel!" Nikki laughed away his comment, "Don't we have anything better to do than discuss this silly topic?" and she leaned in and kissed him and words didn't need to be exchanged anymore for quite a while.

Daniel fell asleep not long after, but Nikki tossed and turned. Of what significance were Daniel's questions and observations? What did he mean by lingering looks from Harry? Harry jealous? No, Daniel must have read that completely wrong. Harry had been flirting with Kate all evening, she had seen it herself! Nikki felt herself being annoyed at Daniel's questions. What business was it of his? Why give her that little flicker of hope? "Hope?" she whispered out loud to herself. "What am I thinking here?" She had no right thinking of Harry when here she had Daniel in her bed… No, she had to get to sleep and quickly. She went to the kitchen, found a sleeping pill and fell asleep soon after.

* * *

"Nikki, can you take a look? What do you think this is?" Harry asked, frowning, staring intently at an image on his computer.

Nikki walked over and leaned in over Harry's shoulder to study the image then burst out laughing at the cartoon she saw displayed there. She looked back at Harry who was already beaming at her and she punched him. "I thought it was something serious!"

It was not the best moment for Kate to walk in, but she did just then. "Hi Harry, your technician let me in," she said, making both Harry and Nikki jump.

"Nikki," she said with a curt nod to Nikki and a forced smile, just as Harry quickly got up and walked over to her, planting a quick kiss on her cheek. Nikki walked back to her own desk and sat down again, quickly occupying herself with her computer again.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked Kate.

"We're going out to dinner, aren't we? Thought I'd come pick you up."

"Ah, but I'll need my car, so we can't drive together anyhow."

"That's alright, I took the tube," Kate smiled. "Ready, shall we go?"

"Let me just finish off here," Harry said, "Why don't you grab a cup of coffee at the meeting table over there and I'll be right with you."

"Oh… yes… of course" she said coolly, "It just looked to me like you were done, you know, with you giggling so with Nikki."

"Kate…" he said, sighing.

"No, don't let me trouble you, I'll wait!" she said, piqued, as Harry accompanied her to the table and got her a cup of coffee.

Nikki pretended to be very busy at her computer but could sense the tension even from where she was sitting.

"I came across something in an e-mail that I showed Nikki. Just a few more e-mails to go and I'll be right with you," Harry said apologetically. Nikki didn't hear Kate's answer although there was an angry whisper. She heard Harry walk back in and quickly pretended to be typing something.

As he sat down Nikki looked across at him. She really didn't want to upset Kate.

"Sorry!" she mouthed as she caught his eye. He just smiled at her gently and shook his head, before looking back at his computer screen and quickly going through his e-mails.

After a few minutes of working is silence, a new email message popped up. One line from Harry:

"_Maybe I can tolerate your meddling more than her jealousy…"_

Her head snapped up to look at him and he winked at her as he gave her a grin. Harry and his jokes…

She e-mailed back: _"Too late, Dr Cunningham, I'm meddling with someone else now" _and then looked to see his reaction. This time he wasn't smiling, he didn't even look at her.

"_Just the way it should be. I'm sure he can make you happy__,"_ was Harry's reply after a short while.

She looked up at him again and shrugged, a small smile on her lips. He smiled back at her, then got up, took his jacket and said cheerfully,

"Night, Nikki, see you tomorrow!"

"Night, Harry," she answered, following him with her eyes as he walked off to Kate, who in turn was watching them and jumped up, all ready to leave with Harry.


	7. Chapter 7

Kate continued to show up at the Lyell Centre now and again. Sometimes Nikki was in, sometimes she wasn't. Kate kept a polite but quite cool distance to Nikki which often made Nikki feel very uncomfortable. Often, when Kate showed up, she'd suddenly find a task to do in any room Harry wasn't in at the moment. If she was talking to Harry, she'd abruptly stop and quickly do something else. If she was working on something when Kate showed, she'd try looking even busier and always try to keep out of Harry's and Kate's way.

Daniel, in turn, never made it to the Lyell Centre. He and Nikki could only occasionally have dinner together on a week night; mostly they saw each other on weekends at his flat or hers. Then on Monday mornings she'd mention all the wonderful things she and Daniel had done together. Harry would grumble and Leo would ask questions. When Nikki thought back on the past few weeks with Daniel, she smiled. He was good to her, interested in her; they could talk easily with each other about all sorts of topics like their work, politics, the arts, travel. They went to interesting places on the weekend like museums, plays and restaurants. There was always something interesting to discuss or to do and he really was very pleasant in the bedroom. So, what was lacking, Nikki wondered? She looked over at Harry who just came walking in from Leo's office with a file in his hands. She kept on watching him, lost in thought, as he sat down and she continued staring at him when he'd already made himself comfortable behind his computer.

"What?" he finally said.

Nikki, blinking her eyes as if she was just waking up, said, "What do you mean, what?"

"You are staring at me. Have I spilt coffee on my collar? Is my hair sticking out at an odd angle? What?"

Nikki giggled, "Oh! Nothing…"

"Come on, you're staring at me and I know you want to tell me why…" he insisted.

"I was just thinking…"

"Yes…"

"I was just thinking I miss our film nights together."

Harry raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Oh? Now what brought that on? I thought you and Mr. Wonderful were doing all these wonderful things together!"

"Well, yes, we are…"

"And don't you ever watch films together?"

"Yes… we do... Chinese ones…"

"I thought you liked Chinese films. You're always on about me needing to watch them…"

"Well, yes…"

"And now you've got someone to watch them with it's no fun?"

Nikki grinned, "Of course it is and I love it. But once in a while I wouldn't mind watching X-men or Star Trek and that just isn't for Daniel…"

"Ah, so you need me for the uncultured blockbuster!"

Nikki giggled, "If you like… To each his own, eh?"

"Ah, yes…" Harry said thoughtfully and then added almost sanctimoniously," You do know I can be very cultured?"

Nikki giggled again, "Yes, on your good days."

Harry rolled his eyes, "I know, I know, I pale next to your Daniel…"

"Don't say that…" Nikki started, but Harry went on, "So, you are asking whether we could meet up again sometime soon at your flat or mine for a shallow film?"

"Yes, I suppose so…"

"And what would Daniel say to that?" he inquired.

"I don't know. And I've been wondering what Kate would say to that…"

"She wouldn't like it."

"Even if it's just us old friends?"

"Yes, even so."

"Yes," Nikki said thoughtfully, "I suppose Daniel wouldn't like it either… I just find it a pity that now that you and I have partners, it gets in the way of you and me being friends the way we always use to be!"

Harry nodded and they both remained silent for a moment, staring at their respective desks.

"Maybe we could arrange a film night for all 4 of us?" Nikki then asked hopefully, looking back up at Harry who she caught already studying her. She couldn't read the look in his eyes, but the intensity did make her tummy flop.

"Do you really think that would be a good idea?" Harry asked, "Daniel doesn't care much for me, Kate doesn't care much for you…"

"Well, they will just have to learn!" Nikki said heatedly, "I can't just not be your friend anymore because of Kate or Daniel! And I don't want our friendship to be a secret! They will just have to deal with it and we'll all be friends in the end, surely…"

Harry laughed, "Nikki! You are too good for this world, with your idealistic views! Do you really think we'll be witnesses at each other's weddings one day and that we'll babysit each other's children?"

Nikki hesitated for only a second, "Well it could happen!"

"Really?" he said, extremely sceptically, studying her even more intently.

Nikki couldn't hold his gaze any longer and looked down. "I suppose not…"

"And will you really risk a potential love of your life for a friendship?" Harry continued, getting up, "Nikki, be realistic…And now I really need to get to the cutting room."

He walked out the door but after a second or two Nikki was up and ran after him.

"Harry?" she called out, "Why? Why do you think that Kate and Daniel can not stand for us to be close?"

Harry turned to her, smiled and said, "I think you know the answer to that." He then turned to walk off again but Nikki didn't let up.

"No, Harry, tell me. Tell me why you think they can't stand for us to be friends?" she said.

He walked back to her, stood very close as he looked at her.

"Alright, I'll say it out loud. Kate is jealous of you and I suspect Daniel is jealous of me. They have no reason to be but they are... We have to give them time," he said simply as if explaining the first basics of a PM.

"And what if they stay jealous forever?" Nikki asked, ignoring his teacher voice.

"We can't have it both ways, Nikki. We will then have to chose… between them and our friendship," Harry stated matter-of-factly.

They studied each other for a moment in silence. Nikki then looked to the ground as she said softly, "I don't want to lose our friendship, Harry."

"Neither do I," he replied, all matter-of-factness leaving his voice. Did she now detect sadness in it? She felt his eyes on her but by the time she felt brave enough to look up at him again, he had already turned and walked off.


	8. Chapter 8

It was a Friday afternoon and as she was rounding off her work for the week Nikki suddenly realized she hadn't seen Kate at the Lyell Centre all week. Come to think of it, not the week before either! Nikki suddenly realized that it had been quite some time since she had last needed to scramble away from Kate. She was sitting at her desk when this revelation suddenly hit her and as soon as the thought hit her brain it left her mouth.

"Harry?" she immediately said, looking over at him, "how come Kate's not been around lately?"

Harry looked up from his desk in surprise. "Do you miss her?" he shot back.

Nikki grinned, "No, it's just… well, she's been coming in so often and I suddenly realized she hasn't been in anymore, recently, so…"

Harry shrugged, "It's less distracting if she doesn't come, don't you think?"

"So, you've asked her not to come anymore?"

"Yes"

"And she doesn't mind?"

"She has little choice in the matter," he said shortly before quickly changing the subject to, "So, how's Daniel?"

Nikki smiled, "He's lovely! He's fine."

"You two seem to be getting quite serious."

"Oh, I don't know. We've been together for about 4 months now? That is…"

"…. much longer than your usual unsuitable-boyfriend-time-span!" Harry finished off, avoiding Nikki's look and switching off his computer.

"He's not unsuitable!" Nikki protested.

"Mmm, I can see that…" Harry mumbled, getting up and then adding, "Come on, it's getting late, let's get Leo and head for the pub!"

Leo, however, couldn't make it to the pub. Janet had called, and after a week of lots of overtime for Leo and for Janet, she had announced that she was finally free for the weekend. Leo wanted to grab the opportunity to finally see his own girlfriend again.

So, it was just Harry and Nikki. It had been ages since they had been out alone together. Instead of it feeling awkward it felt strangely comfortable, like coming home. As they walked to the pub, Nikki grabbed Harry's arm.

"Like the good old days," she smiled.

He smiled back at her warmly, "Yes," and squeezed her hand with his as they walked on arm in arm, Harry's hand still holding on to Nikki's on his arm and Nikki content to keep her hand there as still as possible.

"So, shall we add dinner to the drinks?" he asked after a little while.

"Er… well…"

"Yes?"

"I'm meeting Daniel for dinner later. He said he'd pick me up at the pub..."

"Oh."

"I didn't know Leo wasn't coming or I wouldn't have arranged it this way," Nikki said defensively.

"That's alright," Harry said, letting Nikki's hand and arm go. Nikki felt a small chill go through her at the loss of this closeness. It had only been a few minutes, holding on to Harry, but letting him go again so quickly felt cold to her.

Soon afterwards they entered the pub.

With a glass of wine for Nikki and a beer for Harry, the mood soon became light as they talked and especially laughed and made fun of all sorts of things: work, news, weather, films. Nikki basked in the familiarity and ease of being with Harry. They hadn't been this carefree alone together for a long time. Nikki couldn't put her finger on it. There was a lightness to Harry, he was oozing his old charm again. He almost seemed carefree, as if Hungary had never happened, as if all the darkness had gone. She pushed to the back of her mind that undoubtedly his happiness with Kate was at the bottom of this and for that she was grateful to Kate. Still, she preferred not to think too much of the other woman. She just didn't want this evening to end. Ever.

Nikki was actually gripping Harry's arm in laughter and he was grinning into her eyes when they suddenly both heard, "Hello, Nikki… Dr. Cunningham…" and jumped! They had never noticed Daniel coming in and walking over. Now he was standing beside Nikki, looking down at her almost gravely.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you!" she exclaimed, laughter gone and heart still beating from the fright she'd gotten. "Come sit down!" she added, pulling him down in the seat beside her and planting a quick welcome kiss on his cheek which he accepted. It was immediately followed by a greeting kiss of his own, square on Nikki's lips.

Nikki involuntarily shot a glance at Harry, who looked to be frowning but his features quickly cleared when their eyes met.

"Where's Professor Dalton?" Daniel asked, "Isn't he also included in Friday evening drinks?"

"He couldn't make it," Harry said.

"Have a drink?" Nikki offered him.

"No, I really think we should get going. It's just gone 7.30."

"Really, is that the time!" Nikki exclaimed.

"Time flies when you're having fun," Harry said dryly.

"It really does," Nikki said softly.

"Shall we go then?" Daniel asked getting up.

Nikki looked at Harry, a little unsure, then back to Daniel.

"Maybe Harry could join us? He…" she started but when she saw the sour look on Daniel's face she stopped.

"Nikki, it's alright, being the third wheel isn't really my style. But thank you." Harry smiled as Nikki got up. "Go have fun! I have things to do and places to go to myself."

"Oh," Nikki said, "Right." Inwardly now accepting that the drinks part of the evening with Harry was really over and she had to leave with Daniel.

"You must be meeting Kate!" she suddenly realized and said out loud. "Well, have fun then!" she ended, her happy mood now totally gone at the thought of Kate.

"You too, Nikki, Mr. Pearce…" he said. Nikki tore her eyes away from Harry as Daniel touched her back and led her out. Right outside the pub, Daniel pulled her closer to him and whispered in her ear, "Isn't it lovely, just you and me?"

"Mmmmm," she acquiesced as she looked in through the pub window again one last time and saw Harry looking at her with a frown. She almost defiantly snuggled closer to Daniel, kissed him demonstratively on his lips and walked off to dinner with him.

* * *

"You seem distracted, Nikki," Daniel said. "Tell me what's wrong?"

Dinner had just ended and it had been delicious but this part of the evening wasn't nearly as fun and comfortable and exciting as the first part of the evening had been in the pub and Nikki felt it acutely.

She didn't want Daniel to feel bad, however, and quickly smiled, "It's just been a long day, Daniel. I'm fine."

"You seem tense," he added.

"Yes, long day!" she reiterated calmly. "I'm just tired, really…"

"You didn't seem tired when I picked you up," he countered.

"Well, it's later now!" Nikki said, defensively.

"Yes, but you have been distracted and very quiet from the moment we left the pub. Is it something I did?" he asked.

"No!" she exclaimed, quickly grabbing his hand on the table, "No, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect! You really are all I could ever hope for: intelligent, cultured, kind, driven, sharp, sexy, a man with feeling. Really, a good man… the dream man actually!"

"But I'm not Harry Cunningham," he said softly.

"Pardon?" Nikki said, her heart skipping a beat at Daniel's comment.

"I'm not Harry Cunningham," he repeated. "I don't make you laugh like Harry Cunningham does."

"You do make me laugh!" she protested.

"Really?" he asked, studying her.

"Yes!"

"No… I don't, not like that," he stated. "I don't make you light up the way he does."

"Oh, that's nonsense…" Nikki started but Daniel wouldn't be interrupted.

"I stood watching you and Harry for a few minutes when I arrived at the pub earlier. You and he were oblivious to your surroundings, engrossed in each other, laughing with each other and when I stood there watching you, I realized that you and I are never like that. Never so in tune like that."

"Daniel, you've got it all wrong!" Nikki protested, "Harry and I are just old friends, I've told you that before."

"No, I'm right. You are in love with him, Nikki."

"Daniel…" she started.

"Really, you are in love with him. He lights you up like I never see anyone else light you up. You're in love with him."

"Nonsense," Nikki tried again, half heartedly, "And besides he's got Kate."

"That's not the point. He may be with Kate but that doesn't stop you being in love with him."

"Daniel… I don't know what to…" she half whispered, looking down at her hand covering Daniel's. He put his other hand over hers and added softly, "And he is in love with you…"

Nikki gave a little laugh, "No, he isn't… He's not interested in me at all that way…"

"Well, then he's an idiot." Daniel said, a little too vehemently.

Nikki looked up at him.

"I can't be number two for you, Nikki," he said, searching her face, "I know you like me and I like you so much more than I've liked any woman in a long long time, but I can't be second choice."

"You could well become first choice, Daniel. Give it time!" she half pleaded.

Daniel withdrew his hands from hers and shook his head.

"No, Nikki, I think we should call it quits now while we're ahead…"

"But…" she started.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

She nodded and looked down. "I do love you Daniel. I'm sorry I couldn't, can't, love you the way I should..."

"I hope you find happiness, Nikki," he said, leaning forward and stroking her cheek. Tears sprung to Nikki's eyes at his heartfelt words.

"I hope you do too," she whispered back and he smiled. They looked at each other for a few moments before Daniel was the first to gather himself and say, "Let me get the cheque and get you home."

Nikki smiled in resigned acceptance.


	9. Chapter 9

The thing is, Nikki thought all weekend, the thing is that I may have blown it with a wonderful man like Daniel over having nothing with Harry! Yes, friendship mattered but she wanted more. She wanted happily ever after: a husband, children, the picket fence, a cat. With Daniel it could have been a real possibility. With Harry there was no chance of that. All weekend she picked up her phone to call Daniel and ask him to give her a last chance again, but once she held the phone in her hand she found she couldn't call him. Harry had said a little while back that it would come down to making a choice between friendship with him or love with Daniel. All weekend she kept thinking she should choose love with Daniel. Wasn't he all a woman could wish for? He had been so good to her, he didn't deserve to be set aside like that. He didn't deserve to be second choice and yet, in her heart, she knew Daniel was right: he was second choice. Harry was first, Daniel was right about that too. But what future was there with Harry? None! Why on earth should she choose Harry over Daniel? And yet she did. Harry just knew her, he was there for her, he knew her demons and her joys, he was intelligent, he was gorgeous and he understood her work as it was his work too, they shared that. He accepted her, faults, doubts and all and he made her laugh like no one else could. He touched her to the core, he had seen her at her highest and at her lowest and he still loved her in his way, as a friend, her best friend. Friend... Just being a friend wasn't enough anymore. It had been enough for 6 years but it wasn't enough any more… And Harry, Harry wasn't ready for more. He never would be. She needed to call Daniel! Again she picked up the phone… and couldn't.

Nikki didn't sleep well all weekend and when she came in to work on Monday she was taciturn and crabby. Harry noticed, Leo noticed. They worried about her but she waved them off. This was not their problem, this was hers.

Close to the end of week Harry had had it apparently as he showed up in the early evening on her doorstep, saying just that.

"Nikki, I've had it. You've not been yourself all week. I've noticed, Leo's noticed, all the staff have noticed. So, please let me in and tell me what's wrong."

"I'm alright. Please go." Nikki said at the door.

"You are not alright," Harry insisted, "You work non stop, when you do take a break you stare into space, when I speak to you, you find an excuse and go do something else. You can't shut me out forever, Nikki. I know you have Daniel now but I still am your friend. Talk to me, I want to help."

Nikki studied him for a few moments while he was standing there at her door, looking at her with concern written all over his face. She then stepped aside without a word and let him in. He found his way to the living room while Nikki went to the kitchen and poured herself and him a glass of wine. Harry was sitting in her armchair, she handed him a glass of wine and then sat down on the couch. He didn't press for her to speak and she just slowly turned her glass into her hand, staring at it. That was the lovely thing about Harry. He was insistent in wanting to help her but he knew when to stay silent and wait for her to speak. There were so many lovely things about Harry! Ever since Hungary it was as if all her feelings had been unleashed and she finally allowed herself to openly think about what she loved about Harry. Sometimes she wished she could push her feelings for Harry to the background again, but that was impossible.

They sipped their wine in silence until Nikki finally spoke.

"I don't have Daniel anymore," she said quietly.

Harry immediately got up and sat down beside her on the couch. "I'm so sorry," he said gently, taking her free hand and squeezing it. Nikki enjoyed the sensation of his hand holding hers and smiled. "It's alright," she said presently, "Now you know and you can go." But Harry didn't budge.

"What happened?" he asked. She felt him studying her closely and she turned to look him. You. You happened, she wanted to say, but she didn't. She just looked at him, studying his eyes as he was studying hers. There was a softness there, a tenderness in his glance that almost made her heart melt. She quickly turned to look back to her glass of wine in her right hand before he could catch any of the tears she felt welling up inside her.

"I think we went as far as we could go with the relationship," she said. "I'm not sure I did the right thing in letting him go, he really is a wonderful man, but… I don't think I could offer him all he really wanted."

"I'm sorry," Harry said again. Nikki took in a deep breath, withdrew her hand from Harry's and got up.

"It really is alright," she said again, walking towards the dining room cupboard and taking out a small bag of peanuts, filling it into a bowl. Not that she was hungry for anything; she just needed to be doing something other than feeling Harry touch her and being so close to her. "I just need to work some things out in my head over this, but I'll be fine," she continued, "Now, please stop worrying. Leo needs to stop worrying too. Thank you for being concerned."

"That's what friends are for," Harry smiled as she put the nuts down on the coffee table and sat down in the armchair.

Nikki smiled back. "Thanks," she said and then continued, "And now you'd better get going before Kate comes looking for you and finds you're gone and, heaven forbid, finds you are in my flat!"

Instead of the Harry grin she expected, Harry now was the one to study his wine glass. "I'm not with Kate anymore," he said softly, "we separated three weeks ago."

Nikki's heart seemed to stop for a moment there. Had she heard correctly? "Pardon?" she asked incredulously.

Harry looked back up at her. "We separated three weeks ago," he repeated.

"And you didn't think to tell me about this?" she asked.

"I'm sorry."

"So, that's why she stopped coming round…" Nikki said, half to herself, then looked back at Harry again. "Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"I don't really know…"

"Yes, you do," Nikki insisted.

Harry looked her square in the eye, "I failed again in a relationship. I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to hear I told you so." Nikki sat up to protest but he continued, "You warned me of superficial relationships and even if you wouldn't have said 'I told you so', I just didn't want… well, you are right and I don't want to talk about it…" he ended defensively.

Nikki gave a bitter little laugh. "Well, Harry, one of these days you will need to figure out what you really want out of life. Superficial relationships, close relationships or no relationships at all..."

This time it was Harry's turn to get up. He walked over to look out of the window. "I didn't come here to discuss me," he said tersely.

"No, we never can delve too deeply, can we?" Nikki said bitterly, "You want to know all about me but you can't share yourself. Is it really that terrifying to open up to me, Harry?"

Harry swung around to look at her, "Nikki, I do not want to tear you down into the abyss of my thoughts and feelings! You, you have an optimism and light and I do not want to bring you down!"

Nikki jumped up and walked over to Harry at the window, taking his hands in hers, "We all have an abyss, Harry! It doesn't mean we have to be alone in it forever!" She was looking deeply into his eyes, desperately.

"I'd destroy you, Nikki, with my anger, with my skepticism, with my lack of belief in anything. You, you have optimism, you feel for people and believe in people despite what we witness in our work every day. I am unable to make any relationship other than the one with my mother work. I will not destroy what is good now with you," he pleaded.

"You wouldn't destroy me, Harry," Nikki whispered. "We have been so close for so long now; don't you think that if you could destroy me, I'd already have been destroyed by you by now? And look at me, I haven't been destroyed, I'm still here and I…lo…" but Nikki couldn't finish her sentence as Harry pulled her closer to him by her hands and crushed his lips to hers. He parted her lips with his tongue and they melted into each other, kissing passionately. Then, almost as soon as it had started, Harry ended the kiss and stepped back.

"I can't… I can't do this, Nikki…. I'm sorry…" he whispered and then quickly stepped back and made his way to her front door.

"Harry? Harry!" Nikki called after him, her heart still beating wildly from the moment she had just shared with him, but Harry didn't stop and was out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

What had just happened? Nikki was in turmoil. That kiss… there was something in that kiss… a passion, urgency, desperation, love… and then it ended, leaving her breathless. She wanted to run after him, make him face her again, make him kiss her again but she couldn't. He had ended the kiss, he had stepped back and broken the spell. No matter how they had lost themselves in that kiss, Harry had been able to pull himself out of it, distance himself from it, something Nikki couldn't do. She walked to the door Harry had left open, slowly closed it and leaned against it. Her legs then finally gave way and she slid down to the floor, sitting against that door for a long time, dazed. What had just happened? And how could she face Harry at work the next day? She would break, she knew she would. This was just too much to bear. Harry felt something for her, she knew he did, something more than friendship and yet he was so stubborn, he would never give in, he would never give them the chance to explore anything beyond friendship. She could deal with disappointment if she knew Harry really didn't care for her but he did… surely that kiss proved something? How could she just be friends with Harry when she knew there was a deeper feeling there but that that deeper feeling would forever be resisted? Nikki took deep breaths. Breathe, breathe, and try to calm yourself, she told herself. Let the air expand your lungs and push away the debilitating dull ache in your heart. A sob escaped her lips and she jumped up. She had to do something, anything to ease the tension and ache!

She grabbed her bag and sweater and stormed out her door. She wanted to force Harry, force him to be with her! But she knew she couldn't. So, she walked. She walked and walked until the early hours of morning and it was 3 a.m. and she found herself at Leo's door. She was so exhausted she couldn't think anymore. She rang Leo's doorbell and when he opened and saw her, he let out a gasp.

"Nikki, what on earth? You look terrible! What are you doing here at this time of night?"

Nikki just looked at him and Janet, who had come to stand behind him, wordlessly pushed Leo aside and pulled Nikki inside and held her. Nikki let out a long breath as she allowed herself to be enveloped, as if she had been holding that breath ever since Harry had left. She let herself be guided to the couch. She couldn't speak, she couldn't cry, she was numb as she sat down and felt Janet's protective arm around her.

Leo kneeled in front of her and took her hands in his. "What happened, Nikki?" he asked gently.

Nikki looked at Leo and desperately searched his face hoping he had all the answers, but she knew he didn't have them. She then whispered, "Hungary changed everything, Leo. I… I… can't shut out what I feel anymore… I can't do this anymore. I need a break, I need to go away, I can't stay… I need to work, I want to work but I can't do it here anymore. I don't want to leave you and Ha… I just need to be somewhere else for a while, I need to find some distance from Harry, I need to find perspective…"

Leo looked confused, "I don't understand. You want to leave because of Hungary and Harry? What about Daniel?"

Janet caught Leo's eye and shook her head. "Daniel was never going to be here to stay, it never would have worked," she said gently.

Nikki looked at Janet in surprise, "How do you know…?" she asked and Leo looked at her the same way with the same question in mind.

"It doesn't take a university degree to see how you feel about Harry and how he feels about you," Janet said simply, "You tried to deny it with Daniel, he tried to deny it with Kate but denial never works. Give it time, Nikki, he will come around."

Leo looked at Janet with admiration for her insight, Nikki gave a sad smile. "He won't. He's made that clear this evening. Apparently I terrify him," she said softly.

"He will come around, he loves you," Janet said with certainty but Nikki just shook her head and whispered, "Not enough."

"Harry has always had his demons, Nikki, you know that as well as I do. He needs time to work things out..." Leo started.

"Isn't 6 years enough, Leo?" Nikki asked desperately.

Leo smiled sadly, "Yes, you would think so. But as you say, Hungary changed everything for him as well. He isn't ready."

Nikki nodded, "And I don't have the patience anymore, Leo. I can't put myself on hold forever for something that might never happen," she said returning his gaze.

Leo nodded as well, "I know," he said quietly and the three of them sat in silence for a while.

"Tell you want, Nikki," Leo said gently, "You stay here and sleep. Take tomorrow, or rather today, off and we'll think and talk about this in the evening. Something will turn up, it always does."

Nikki just shook her head and wordlessly kept shaking it until Janet had installed her in the guest bedroom and Nikki fell into a very deep sleep.

When she woke again at 10 a.m. she knew what she had to do. She would go in to work after all, face Harry and tell him and Leo than now was maybe the time to part ways. Nikki took the tube home, made a few phone calls and then went in to work.


	11. Chapter 11

Nikki found only Leo there in the pathology department at the Lyell Centre, in his office.

"What on earth are you doing here?" he asked, jumping up from his desk, when he saw her walk in to his office. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. Thank you Leo, for being there," she smiled. "But I can't let personal issues keep me from work. Besides, I have a proposition to make."

"Oh?"

"Do you remember my friend Sara Laurence from South Africa?"

"Ye-e-es" Leo said hesitantly.

"I called her today and she said I could come down and help her out for a few weeks. I need some time to think… some distance…"

"And what happens after a few weeks?" Leo asked.

"I don't know," Nikki replied honestly.

"I don't want to lose you, Nikki," Leo said quietly. "You are an excellent pathologist and a close friend, you are like family. I would hate to see you go!"

Nikki looked down at her hands, "I know, Leo, and I don't want to lose you and working with you, either… But," and here she looked up again, pleadingly, at Leo, "I need a fresh perspective. I need to… not be so confused anymore… I need to find a way to get back to being happy with things as they used to be, before… Do you understand?"

Leo took a few steps closer and pulled Nikki into a hug. "I do," he said and held her for a few moments before stepping back and looking at her again. "But please don't make any final decisions about your future career without talking to me first, alright? Please promise me that?"

Nikki smiled and nodded, "Alright," and with a squeeze of Leo's hand made her way slowly to her desk. She sat down, shifted some papers and then walked back to Leo's office.

"Have you seen Harry?" she asked hesitantly. Leo looked up at her from his seat at his desk.

"Yes, I have. He is in the cutting room."

"Thank you. Have you told him…?"

"No, I haven't told him anything. He was very non-communicative this morning, murmured something about a quarrel with you and I told him to make it right," Leo said.

"That'll be the day…" Nikki smiled wanly and turned to walk off in the direction of the cutting room. As she passed the locker room, she saw Harry there, just pulling on his shirt after his shower. She steeled herself and bravely went in.

"Good afternoon, Harry," she said as matter-of-factly as she could, ignoring the mesmerizing sight of him just getting dressed again..

He swung around to look at her. "Hello," he said, his surprise quickly being replaced by a wary look.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to dissect what… what happened yesterday," she said and they both of them looked down to the floor. Nikki went on, "I just wanted to say that… I spoke with my friend Sara Laurence in South Africa today, maybe you remember her?" Harry looked up at Nikki and nodded while she continued, "Well, she has agreed to let me come down there and help her out for a few weeks. So, I'll be going there soon."

Harry's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "There's no need for you to leave, Nikki!"

"I'm not saying it's for good, I just need… well, a little distance, to get things into perspective," Nikki said, looking back down at the floor again.

"Does Leo know you're leaving?" Harry asked.

"Yes"

"And does he know why?"

Nikki looked back up at him. "He knows I need to rethink my work and my work relationships here," she said before turning around on her heels.

"Nikki?" she heard him say softly and she stopped with her back to him. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to push you away…" he said.

She swung back around to him and said defiantly, "But you do. Self protection, I get it, but sometimes self protection can go a little far. Yesterday you spoke of fearing you'd destroy something. Something has been destroyed here, Harry. And I'm not saying it's only your fault. It's my fault as well for breaking the unwritten rules we have had, you and I, for these past 6 years. But as you aren't ready to… to even entertain the thought of our relationship becoming something more, well, I just need to rethink things."

Harry walked towards her. "I do love you, Nikki," he said seriously. "I just can't… And I won't be pressured..."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm not pressuring you, Harry! I'm just chosing this for myself, to sort things out for myself, there is no ulterior motive!" she exclaimed looking up at him.

"No ulterior motive? Really? Because this does sound like an ultimatum to me!" he retorted, getting angry. "Either I consent to a deeper relationship or you leave? That is basically what is being said here, isn't it? How is that trying to make this friendship work despite what has happened between us?"

Nikki was now glaring at him incredulously. "I can't believe you'd think this!"

"Well, I am a scientist and these seem to be the facts to me," Harry continued stoicly, "we kissed last night, I have made it clear it can't go further than that and now you run off to South Africa, not giving us a chance to work this out as friends. Sounds like pressure to me."

Nikki shook her head in disbelief, "Alright, Mr. Scientist, let me tell you this. You can not make this undone! What you fear for has already happened, something has been destroyed here already and we will never go back to the way we were! You want facts? _Those_ are the facts!" she exclaimed, her glare only growing stronger.

Harry didn't seem to react at first. He just looked at her for a few moments, expressionless, before saying, "Well, I am sorry then. I am sorry that this is where our friendship ends then. I will miss you." He pulled her into a quick hurried embrace, before releasing her and walking out of the locker room. Harry... Harry really was the most exasperating and stubborn man she knew! Nikki stayed rooted to the spot for a few minutes, trying to make sense of it all.

When she got back to the office, Harry had left for the day. That Friday evening, after talking to Leo, Nikki booked her trip to Cape Town; she would leave in the middle of the following week.


	12. Chapter 12

Nikki didn't see much of Harry on Monday and Tuesday. She spent the days finishing off PM's and reports, getting everything organized so she could leave. She was at her desk when Harry walked in on Tuesday afternoon and immediately she pounced on him to give him the still open case files and give him summaries of where she was on each of them. She tried to ignore his closeness as they poured over files together. They were only shortly interrupted by Leo who was going to a hearing and wouldn't be back and continued working closely until all was said and done and Nikki went back to her desk, to clear her things. She felt Harry's eyes on her but she chose to ignore it and busied herself with the last few chores before taking her bag and getting ready to go.

"Don't leave," she heard Harry say softly or was she imagining that?

"Pardon?" she asked looking up at him, just to make sure she was hearing what she thought she was hearing.

"Don't leave," he stated again, more firmly.

Nikki wasn't sure how to respond to that. "I…" she started but then stopped and looked down to her hands on her desk.

"I don't want you to leave," Harry reiterated, willing her to look at him and hold his look, which she did. A silence filled the room as they looked at each other.

"I…I will be back, Harry, I won't be gone forever," she said, breaking the glance, switching off her desk light and getting up, ready to leave. Harry was at her side within seconds. Nikki swallowed a lump in her throat before daring to look up at him again.

"Don't leave," he said again simply, standing close to her, too close. "Maybe… maybe we could try after all to… to…" Harry started but he couldn't word the feelings that were apparently forming inside him.

Nikki gave a sad smile, "I don't want anything that you aren't ready for, Harry. Don't force yourself. You made it very clear last week that you aren't ready to change things between us and maybe you are right. I just need a little distance, a little time. I will return."

"Promise?" Harry almost whispered.

"Promise," Nikki choked, quickly looking down, not wanting to show him the tears she felt rising.

Instead of leaving it there, Harry lifted her chin with his hand so that she was forced to look up and into his eyes. To her surprise Nikki found she wasn't the only one fighting back tears. "I will miss you," he whispered. Nikki nodded, she couldn't trust herself to bring out any words. He then pulled her chin closer and planted a small, very brief kiss on her lips before gathering her into an embrace. Nikki clung to Harry for dear life for a few moments. She then broke away, grabbed her things and walked out of the office without once glancing back at Harry again.

* * *

Thankfully in South Africa life was busy. Nikki stayed with her friend Sara and performed more PM's in a day than she sometimes did in London in a week. It was exhausting but strangely freeing to be in Cape Town again, working non-stop and just being with Sara again, not being weighed down with the problems she had in London. She knew it was an escape and that in time she would have to face it all again but for now it was lovely just being busy and being in denial. Nikki chose not to discuss much about Harry in depth with Sara. She wasn't sure what she felt and how to voice it and Sara let her be.

She was in regular e-mail contact with Leo. He only mentioned Harry in passing in relation to work which was both a relief and exasperating. She wanted to know everything about Harry but she also needed the distance. Every time an e-mail from Leo appeared her heart beat wildly in the anticipation of what he might have to say about Harry.

A week passed and then another. Sara carefully dared ask Nikki about her long term plans and Nikki found herself wishing for home again. For London. For Harry, even if only as a friend. She'd promised Leo she would discuss her career plans with him before making any definitive move. Maybe she needed to go home and do just that. So, when the third week came around she announced she was returning to London. She would have to wait and see how things went with Harry, and with Leo of course, and she would base her decision on what to do next on that.

She didn't tell Leo or anyone other than Sara that she was going back home. She just flew home and on a Thursday morning just showed up again at the Lyell Centre. She found Leo alone, in his office and the surprise and then delight on his face to see her again warmed Nikki as she fell into his arms for a welcoming embrace.

"How long are you here for? Will you be staying?" Leo asked carefully after all the initial stories had been exchanged and Nikki sat down on the couch in his office.

"I… yes, I think I do want to stay. But, I don't really know anything for sure yet, I'm still figuring out what I…" she started when she was interrupted by the door opening and Harry entering. He didn't see her at first as he had his back to her.

"Leo, what do you make of these results here? They don't seem to make sense…" he began and then saw Leo's look past him which made him pause. He swung around and Nikki swore she could have knocked him over with a feather by the look of complete and utter surprise on his face when he saw her.

"Nikki!" he then slowly smiled. Nikki saw Leo discretely leave the room and shut the door as she got up. Harry dropped the file he was holding on a chair and within three large paces he was right in front of her and then after only a moment's hesitation he drew her into a long welcoming embrace. Nikki melted against him, clung to him, breathed in the scent of him, relished the feel of his face against her hair and realized that any idea she had of being aloof with Harry had gone right out the window.

The embrace felt like it lasted forever and then finally Harry stepped back to take a good look at Nikki. She smiled at him. He looked pale and tired.

"You have gained some colour in your face but you look tired," he then stated. Nikki smiled again, "It was very busy, Sara worked me hard."

Harry smiled back, "I can imagine. I hope she and Pieter are well?"

Nikki grinned, "They are. Still at it like cats and dogs but they adore each other."

"Good," Harry said.

"You look tired too…" Nikki began, still studying him, drinking in the sight of him again.

"Well, for the past three weeks it's been just Leo and me so you can imagine!"

"I'm sorry," Nikki apologized.

"Don't be!" Harry said but Nikki just continued, "I didn't mean to dump everything and make it difficult for you and Leo. Besides, I thought Leo was going to hire someone temporarily while I was gone?"

"He was," Harry said, "But I wouldn't let him. I told him you'd promised to be back, I said we could manage until you did come back. And look here you are! I didn't want to risk Leo hiring another attractive young female pathologist for me to pine over. So here I am, overworked, but glad to have you back."

Nikki slowly shook her head and gave a little laugh. The man was nuts. "You are quite something, you know that?"

Harry grinned back at her. "I'll take that as a compliment. Now, maybe you would want to take a look at this tox report with me, see if you can make any sense of it?" he said, picking up the report from the chair and waving it at Nikki.

Nikki lifted her eyebrows in surprise.

"Well, you did come back to work, didn't you? Here's work for you, Dr. Alexander! We need you here…" Harry said lightly.

Nikki slowly smiled, "Alright, Dr. Cunningham. Show me and I will impart my wisdom"

They were both smiling like idiots as they got down to work. Together.


	13. Chapter 13

Nikki pondered the day, as she sat on her couch that evening trying to read her book. She couldn't concentrate. All she could think about was Harry and how they had worked together all day. How they had sought each other out, how they had poured over reports together and done a PM each, side by side. Nikki had seen Leo but he had mostly left them to their own devices. And Nikki was in turmoil. Her heart had soared at seeing Harry again and working with him again. The banter was there, it was like old times, yet she wondered how long she could bear being so near to Harry without bursting. Yes, for today it had been wonderful being with him again, tomorrow would be wonderful too but in the long run could she bear being so near him and yet not being with him? How could she just be a friend, watch Harry flirt or fall in love with other women and pretend not to care? How could she remain distant when all she wanted was to have him close, when all she wanted was to be allowed to touch him or hug him or kiss him when she felt the urge? No, 3 weeks away hadn't been enough to steel her heart. She had returned because she had missed him and Leo but maybe it was wiser to go away and stay away. She couldn't deal with this heartache and confusion every day. Better to not see Harry, but then, oh, how she'd miss him! Should she stay and live with this heartache forever? Or should she go and hope for her heart to heal in time? Harry had asked if she wanted to go out for drinks after work but she had blown him off, she had virtually raced away from the Lyell Centre to get home again, trying to order her thoughts and feelings. Her thoughts were going around and around in circles now and she was getting a headache. She finally gave up trying to read, popping in a DVD instead to try and get her mind off these thoughts. It didn't work, her thoughts kept on trailing back to Harry, she completely lost sight of the film. When she finally gave up and decided to go to bed, even sleep was illusive but finally in the early hours of morning she dropped off.

When she woke up the next morning her thoughts just continued right there where they had left off the night before. Nikki knew that if this preoccupation, this ache, continued it would exhaust her. She would have to talk to Leo. Maybe she could do so this evening? Leo and Janet had invited her and Harry over for a welcome home dinner for Nikki. Maybe she could hang around after Harry left and talk to Leo then? Maybe he could help her make a decision? She didn't particularly want to leave the Lyell Centre but it was getting increasingly hard to stay. In the meantime she decided to make the most of enjoying Harry's company with the pretence of being able to distance herself from him.

* * *

Nikki was finishing off the afternoon's work in the conference room, studying images on the big screens, comparing them when the door opened and by the sound of the step, movement in the air, the breeze, she just knew it was Harry. And she was right. He came to lean on the table, right next to where she was leaning, folding his arms across his chest and looking at the screens with her. She felt his closeness in every fibre of her body and it took all of her willpower to not snuggle up to him right then and there. Oh my goodness, she thought, this is even worse than before I went to South Africa! To break the urge of wanting to snuggle she suddenly jumped up, walked to the screen and let slip, "I really need to talk to Leo!" She wanted to kick herself just after she uttered that.

"Can't I help?" Harry asked and she realized that he thought she was referring to what she was studying on the screen when she had in actual fact been thinking she needed to talk to Leo right away about her future at the Lyell Centre.

Nikki turned and smiled at him, "Thanks, that's alright. Anyway, this can wait; we need to leave for Leo's soon."

"Hmm, yes," Harry said, holding her gaze, "I just hope it's Janet cooking and not him!"

Nikki gave a little giggle, then broke the look. Her heart seemed to be constantly beating in her throat every time she looked at Harry or spoke with him. She slowly switched off the laptops in the conference room and then went to the screens to switch them off as well, all the while feeling Harry watch her. It was unnerving.

When she had finished shutting everything down, she said, "Well, come on then, let's find Leo!" and she made her way to the door. Harry didn't seem to hear; he didn't budge and was still watching her when she turned to see whether he had moved at all.

"Come on, then, Dr. Cunningham! We all know how much you love your dinner!" she said as lightly as she could under his scrutiny, waiting at the door, her hand on the light switch.

"I couldn't let him do it…" Harry said, getting up slowly, walking towards Nikki.

Nikki didn't understand, "Couldn't let who do what?"

"I couldn't let Leo hire anyone while you were away because I couldn't bear the thought of seeing anyone else sitting at your desk," Harry said as he came to stand right in front of her, his eyes never once leaving her face.

Nikki felt her eyelids flutter under his stare. "Oh… well… I'm glad you two managed," she said, trying to sound matter of fact and turning away to look at the light switch.

"I missed you!" he said simply, covering her hand on the light switch with his. Nikki closed her eyes, her heart thumping in her ears. Didn't he realize what he was doing to her when he was close to her like this and touching her? He must realize by now, why would he torture her so? No, she couldn't do it! She couldn't be just friends with him with such close physical contact. Nikki pulled her hand away from under his, the light switching off as she did so and faced him with as brave a smile as she could, "Well, I'm here now. Let's go," and she took a step back, right into the doorway to create a distance.

"You don't understand, I really missed you," Harry said, taking hold of her wrist so she couldn't step away further. "It made me realize that as terrified as I am of you, as I terrified as I am of hurting you, destroying you, what terrifies me even more is not being near you…"

Harry searched her face for a reaction and Nikki froze. She slowly looked back up at him, incredulously. What was he saying here? What was he really saying here?

"I want you to stay here, with me, forever, Nikki," he said softly.

Tears sprung into her eyes and she sighed. No, she couldn't do this, not this 'only friends, let's be close friends and work together forever' business. She knew now with certainty that she could not stay at the Lyell Centre like this anymore. It would break her heart but she really had to leave. For her sanity.

"I… I will be handing in my resignation to Leo soon, Harry," she said, "you will have to find yourself a new colleague and friend. I can't play this game anymore…" and she tore her wrist from his grasp, starting down the hall but Harry was fast. He stood in front of her again in no time.

"Nikki, you don't understand!" he said urgently, blocking her way as she tried to push past him, her tears now freely falling.

"I can't bear this any longer, Harry, please leave me be!" she pleaded. Harry acted fast, gathering her into his arms, pressing her head close to his heart which to Nikki seemed to be beating quite fast.

"I want you to stay here with me forever, Nikki, because I love you!" he whispered into her hair. Nikki stopped struggling as he continued, "I love you, I hardly know when it happened, but I have loved you for years. I tried to fight it in every way I knew how. I am still terrified of breaking you in some way, down the line, but now I can only be selfish and not care about that. I need you in my life, dearest Nikki, and not just as a friend. You being gone these past few weeks, with your future here uncertain, it has made me realize that without you I am miserable…"

Nikki couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was Harry really saying this or was this some feverish hallucination? No, it couldn't be real. Nikki slowly pulled away from Harry's grasp and looked at him. He held on to her with one arm, while his other hand reached up and he gently wiped away a few tears on her cheeks. He was so tender, he looked so sincere, raw emotion in his face and eyes as he was looking at her. "But, I thought…" she began, still unsure, trying to take in ever detail of his features.

"Shh," Harry said, now placing a finger on her lips. Nikki closed her eyes to gather herself for a moment. "I have been a fool," he went on and she opened her eyes to look at him again, "I told myself you didn't care for me like that and then when I saw you again in Budapest and held you and realized that you feel for me so strongly in one way or other too, I freaked. The women I have been with, the Rebecca's and Anna's and Kate's of this world, the other flings, that was me trying to prove to myself that I could build a life without you, so that I would not have to hurt you, the person I care for most in this world. But now, something has snapped. The only way I can go on is to have you with me. I need you in my life. It is selfish; I can never be good enough for you, but I had to…"

Nikki had been studying him so closely while he spoke, she could hardly believe she was hearing all this and feeling him so near to her. She had never seen him bear himself like this to her, without a joke as deflection, with all this raw emotion and now she had to cut in.

"Harry Cunningham, what on earth makes you think…?" she started softly, reaching up to brush his hair back. Before she could say any more, however, they heard footsteps in the hall and quickly Nikki jumped away from him, Harry still looking at her questioningly, both of them feeling and looking very flustered.

Leo came around the corner. "Ready?" he asked cheerfully, as he looked from Nikki to Harry, now beside him, and back. He then hesitated when he saw their faces. "Everything alright?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Yes, fine," Nikki smiled, trying to find her equilibrium again, "I just need to get my things!" She quickly pushed past Harry and Leo to go to her office.

"Harry, what did you do to her?" she heard Leo ask accusingly as she walked off but she didn't hear Harry's reply.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** OK, I have come to the final chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who so generously reviewed and put my story on their alerts and favourites list. I write for my very own pleasure (and I really enjoyed writing this, despite the sappiness), so I find it very gratifying to find that others seem to enjoy my ramblings as well. Thank you so much to all of you for following this!

* * *

They drove to Leo's house in their separate cars, it would be a while before Harry and Nikki would be able to find a moment alone together. When they got out of their cars Harry waited for Nikki while Leo already was at his own front door. Nikki gave Harry a small smile as he reached out to touch her arm to lead her to the door but she shook her head at him. "We'll talk later, Harry!" she whispered, avoiding his touch and Harry only looked confused. There was no time to think, however, as Janet was already out the door, welcoming them and enclosing Nikki into her arms for a firm, welcoming hug.

They sat down for drinks, Nikki and Janet started chatting away happily, Leo was busy in the kitchen and Harry, throwing in a comment here and there, was looking out of sorts. He kept on throwing glances at Nikki but she chose to ignore them. She didn't mean to make him squirm but seeing him like that made her feel secure in the knowledge that indeed, he was finding his way to her! And that made her rejoice inwardly, her spirits soaring after all the misery of the past months. Harry, in turn got fed up, stood up in frustration and went to the kitchen exclaiming to Leo, "You're not telling me that _you_ are cooking are you?" Nikki heard Leo laugh, "No, just finishing the salad, the dish is in the oven and Janet made that!" before she heard no more.

"What's the matter with Harry?" Janet immediately whispered as soon as Harry was out of earshot. Nikki, not ready to share anything yet before all had been spoken between Harry and herself said, "It's just been a day…"

Janet studied her curiously, "It doesn't seem to have affected you…"

"I'm just happy to be back," Nikki beamed.

"I can see that," Janet said as both Leo and Harry entered the living room again.

They soon sat down to dinner, where Nikki regaled them with stories of South Africa and Sara and Pieter in particular and Leo filled Nikki in on all the happenings at the Lyell Centre while she had been gone. Harry eventually stopped squirming and instead started to ignore Nikki, babbling and joking with Leo especially, but Nikki wasn't fooled as she did catch a few stolen glances her way.

It was an enjoyable evening and at around 10 p.m., after more wine and snacks, Nikki announced she needed to get home as she was tired. Harry didn't make any move to leave with her. Oh the stubbornness of the man! Nikki bid them all a nice evening and left.

Once inside her car she sent Harry a text message: "_Film at my place? If you're up to it… Nikki"_ and made her way home.

She waited at home for half an hour and was slowly starting to despair (maybe she had ignored him too much all evening?) when she finally heard a knock on her door. She opened the door to an agitated Harry.

"What was all that about?" he asked, storming in once she had opened the door. "You couldn't speak to me or look at me all evening after… after I put my feelings out there this afternoon?" He was glaring at her as she closed the door.

"What was I supposed to do, Harry?" Nikki asked calmly, walking slowly towards him. "Snog you in front of Leo and Janet? I didn't want to rush anything as we were interrupted this afternoon before we could even finish talk…"

"Well, you could at least have pretended I was alive!" he interrupted heatedly, still glaring. Nikki stepped even closer to Harry, right into his personal space and gently smiled at him.

"Are you really so unsure about how I feel for you, Harry?" she asked.

Her closeness and the softness in her voice calmed him. "I don't know, Nikki. I was considering the possibility that I have been stupid for too long and might be too late…"

"You're not too late," she smiled up at him, "I love you more than anyone or anything, Harry Cunningham. Always have and I suspect I always will…"

She didn't need to say any more as he gathered her into his arms and planted a firm kiss on her lips. Her arms travelled up around his neck, her fingers gripping his hair. He moaned at the sensation of her hands caressing his skull and pulled her closer as she eagerly responded to his kiss, her mouth opening to his, their tongues gently finding each other, exploring each other. Nikki's heart soared as she relished the sensation of Harry's body against hers, so close that there wasn't even air between them, his arms so tight around her as she in turn clung to him. His hands then moved slowly up her back, sending shivers down her spine until they too came into contact with Nikki's hair and her skull. Harry then gently pulled her hair so that her head was drawn backwards and the long kiss was broken. His eyes searched hers and he whispered hoarsely, "Nikki Alexander, you don't have any idea what you are letting yourself in for here! Are you sure?"

Her eyes were open wide, filled with desire and drinking in every pore of him. "Yes!" she whispered, her lips still parted, longing for the feel of his lips on hers again.

"This is the point of no return, you do realize that?" he continued, licking his lips, already moving his head closer again to hers, "I will claim you fully and wholeheartedly and there is no going back. I am not ever letting you go again. I swear, not ever!"

"Good! It's about time!" she smiled and she drew his head to hers so that again she could feel his lips move against hers. The kisses grew deeper until Harry broke away again, looking at her in wonder. She smiled back at him ecstatically, her heart feeling like it would burst.

"I love you, Harry!" she whispered, "I need you. It's you, it's always been you…"

He smirked, "Really! And what about all your unsuitable boyfriends then?"

She grinned, "I think they fall into the same category as your air headed 25 year olds."

Harry laughed and planted another kiss on her lips, before lifting her up and twirling her around. Nikki giggled and he put her down again saying, "I love hearing you giggle!"

"Maybe you can make me giggle even more…" Nikki said coyly, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her in the direction of her bedroom.

Harry laughed again, "Why, Dr. Alexander! You surprise me! But believe me; I can do more to you than just merely make you giggle! And I think we can forget about that film for this evening…" And with one big swoop, he lifted Nikki off her feet, carrying her to her bedroom as she kissed his neck while she was in his arms, then laying her down on her bed, drinking in the sight of her lying there in front of him, eyes filled with desire. She pulled his head down to hers and kissed his lips.

"I remember when you last did this after I put you to bed…" Harry said softly.

"Mmmm," Nikki smiled.

"This time I hope you won't fall asleep on me again and I hope you don't mind if I join you?" he teased.

She giggled again. "Come here, Dr. Cunningham, and give me some anatomy lessons!" she said as she tugged at him so that he fell right on top of her. His lips instantly claimed hers passionately; she revelled feeling his weight on her, drinking in his scent and responded eagerly. There was no stopping them anymore after that…

* * *

A long time later they lay naked in each other's arms, both of them with big smiles on their faces, still breathing heavily.

"Wow," Nikki breathed.

"Mmmm," Harry agreed, then propped up his arm to look down at his new lover right next to him, "You are beautiful, you know."

Nikki blushed while trailing her fingers down his chest. "Not so bad yourself," she murmured and for that he planted another kiss on her lips.

"Why did we wait so long?" Nikki then asked.

"Because I am no good for you…" he replied.

"I beg to differ, going by this past hour…" Nikki grinned.

Harry laughed and then said seriously, "I really don't understand, you… know me so well…you have seen my anger, my aggression even, and my scepticism and my sarcasm, my lack of belief in anything and yet you find something to love, how can that be?"

"Because you are so much more that just your anger and scepticism and sarcasm! I really don't mind those traits because they are combined with your integrity, your decency, your dedication to finding the truth, your good judgment and yes, even your humour!"

"Now she tells me she likes my jokes!" he grinned. Nikki smiled back and pulled him down to her for a kiss.

"You really aren't as undeserving as you think, Harry. I believe that to my core."

"Yes, you would, wouldn't you? You always believe in the good in people."

"I believe in it in you," she stated simply, "And with all the good you believe I have, I want you to know I'm not really so good and holy…"

"Yes, I have noticed that in this past hour," Harry winked. Nikki laughed but went on, "I feel guilty for running away to South Africa, Harry, I didn't mean to force you to… I just couldn't bear being around you anymore when I felt sure you didn't feel as I do, I just had to leave and think…"

"Shhh," Harry soothed, stroking hair gently away from her face, "You didn't really pressure me, you just gave me a much needed kick in the backside that made we wake up and finally admit that I need you and love you just as much as you seem to love me. That I have always needed you and loved you..."

Nikki frowned.

"Now, don't look at me like that, because right now I truly believe I am the happiest man alive and I can't remember how long ago it is since I have felt like that! And it is all because of you!" Harry said

"Really?"

"Yes, really! You, dearest Nikki, are turning out to be the friggin' love of my life!"

"Really?" she now smiled.

"Really," he said, kissing her forehead, her nose, her mouth, her chin, her neck and slowly travelling down.

"And you are mine!" she whispered in return.

"Mmmm?" Harry mumbled, quite distracted by the route he was taking down her body. Nikki giggled at the kisses he planted on her stomach and repeated, "You are mine! You are the love of my life…"

"Good," she heard him mutter and then they said little more…

* * *

They spent most of the weekend in Nikki's flat. A lot of the time was spent in bed, but they also spent a lot of time talking, tracing back their history with each other and feelings for each other in the past six years. They cooked together, watched a film or two together and on Sunday afternoon Nikki said, "Let's go tell Leo and Janet, they should know. They have supported me so much recently and I want them to know. Janet was right; she said you would come to your senses…"

Harry poked her side as they got ready to leave the flat.

"Hey, what is that for?" she asked, jumping away with a giggle.

"I'm punishing you for discussing me behind my back, thank you very much!" Harry said mockingly.

"Well, catch me if you can!" Nikki giggled, running out of her flat, heading for her car to drive to Leo and Janet, Harry following closely behind.

_THE END_


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